whenever i order food i get nervous that the doorbell will annoy my roommates so i turn it off temporarily and tell the delivery person to just knock. but then i get nervous i might not hear the knocking so i go sit by the front door a few minutes early to make sure i hear it. but then i get nervous that if i open the door too quickly the delivery driver will think it’s weird that i was waiting there so i wait an additional 10-15 seconds before opening it and feign that i just came down the stairs. i am built normal and socially average.
should i eat first or shower first *has phone in couch time for another 3 hours due to choice procrastination, a behavioral phenomenon observed in pigeons and rats as well*
The US is crazy bc like so many people have intense conspiracy theories about the government like “I think there’s a secret elite group of people who control everything” and you can tell them “actually you’re not completely wrong, it’s just not a secret group of people, it’s a bunch of rich people and lobbyists who are doing it all out in the open” and they’ll be like “hmmn I don’t think it’s THOSE people though. I prefer my racist & antisemitic theories”
They’ll be like “I heard there’s a powerful ring of pedophiles who are influencing the country” and you’ll tell them “I mean yeah that’s what the Epstein files are about” and they’ll say “no I’m pretty sure this has to do with The Queers actually”
You cannot live alone on the fantasies you feed to your mind, eventually you have to touch your life for real, assess and analyze your habits, understand your character, try not to hate yourself for your character as it was shaped when you were very young by circumstances outside of you, and begin learning how to cope with your character, how to build habits that work for you, finish small projects, finish big projects, expose yourself to more uncomfortable situations, assess why you want to leave that friendship before you leave it, raise your anxiety levels on purpose, so that you can grow, raise your work load on purpose, so that you can grow, so that you can build resilience, so that your life expands, and can be experienced by you in full and in reality
